i deleted you from twitter. i stopped stalking your tumblr. i've managed to ignore your facebook. every text i believe is from you. every second i'm hoping you call. i know this is the beginning. this is how it always goes.
i don't sleep.
when i do, i wake up in a panic and reality sinks in.
i don't eat.
when i do, i vomit until my throat burns.
i don't think about anything else.
when i do, it's things that lead back to you.
it's going to be like this for a while. i know. slowly, i believe, you will fade from my life like the others before and eventually i'll be able to listen to those songs again and not think about you. i hate you for doing this to me. i hate you for dragging me around for four months.
i hate you because i don't hate you at all.
i wasn't what you wanted.
this will be on your terms. like always.
always.
i know you're going to call. maybe. one day. and you're going to "be honest" with me. and i won't hear what i want to hear and i will get upset and disappointed and i will crumble and shatter all over again.
i lied.
i don't want answers.
i want you.
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