and darling

"You break my heart each time you/you slip your hands inside my pockets/tell me nothing else would do/without me, you can't live and/you slip your heart into my chest/ they both become one of the strongest pairs/when strangers come" Is this so much to ask? Only in time.

One day I'll change you'll be the first one that I call.

I've been slacking, no lie. But I've also been busy. In the last few days I've packed up my dorm, thrown my life into a trailer, and headed home to start a new chapter. I got accepted into Central and I've got to get set up for orientation. I already really miss NMU. Not so much the school as the people. I cried on and off the whole ride home. But, needless to say, I'm really excited to start fresh and Central. I also bought a new HP laptop today (first blog on the new computer!), it's pretty amazing. I should probably head to bed though, since I have to be up at the ass crack of dawn to work out, head to the bank, catch a movie with Mom and Zac, and then meet up with Kristine and Anthony. It's so strange being home.

escalator

I like escalators. They're never broken, they just become stairs. We could all learn a lesson from escalators. Happy 4am.

i bet it stung

Irony is my favorite thing about life. Wings game last night was ridiculous, but they pulled a win, aka swept the Jackets! I worked my last midnight to three with Tina, which was sad. I hung out with Lina and Jen and had an amazing time! I even had a good time with Aaron (I know you're reading this!) hanging out in his apartment and eating amazing sugar cookies. And it's finally sinking in that I'm leaving in just four days. I'm really going to miss it. I keep debating staying. I want to stay. I really do. But I don't feel like here is the right place to be anymore. I keep thinking about all of the things I'd miss out on. I could have run for Payne Hall President, worked with Kate, joined a bunch of clubs, and had another amazing three or four years here. Would I be happy? Probably. But the Central has a better program and it's closer to home. And it's not like I've ruled out California even. I wish I could see the future like a movie and let each situation play out and then pick which one I wanted to do. I wish it was that easy. Life is confusing and hard and I hate being so uncertain.

get the brooms

Get the brooms because we're going to sweep the Columbus Blue Jackets! Two more games boys! On the upside, I'm down to one paper (if you don't include the fact that I'm writing Cho's paper too) and one final before I head home. I'm starting to get pretty upset. I'm really going to miss working the desk and all of the really amazing people I've met up here. It won't sink in until I turn in my keys but I will really miss NMU.

april soundtrack

Tryin' something new for today. These are the top ten songs that I've been rockin' out to this month.

Also, Dave Matthews Bootleg Concerts here at www.dreamingtree.org. More or less a link save for myself. Enjoy!

losersayswhat?

Thanks to good 'ol Facebook, I didn't get anything done today. I guess I need someone to blame, right? I still have all night to get two of my three papers done. Then put together my portfolio for EN211B. Then work on Logan's bastard of a paper all week. I'll be set. Basically, my to-do list via blog. Nice.

it's the last chance to feel again

Hell of a weekend, really. It started with a lot of sun and time sitting on the beach, just taking it all in before I leave. The beach is officially my new favorite place to sit and vent. Camping with Justine and Co. was a lot of fun too. I did, however, remember why I'd only been camping once before: the outside is cold, the ground is hard, and, on occasion, people wake up with big, ugly spiders crawling on their pillow. I also ate four hot dogs and about seventy-five s'mores. I was so close to blowing chunks in the morning. Wings won again against the Blues; 4-0. They've been playing really well (by they, I really mean Osgood. He's been keeping the pucks out while the rest just kinda skate around for the first period and then decide to do work.) My favorite part of the game: "He's got two sticks! He can't do that! How does he do that?! He can't do that!" One of the Blues picked up a teammates stick off of the ice and the announcer went absolutely insane. I LOL-ed. A lot. But then the weather got shitty, my sleep habits are off again, and I'm getting pretty anxious and sad about leaving NMU. And tomorrow; ef my life. I have so much to do and I just don't want to. Finals are coming up and I really just want to sit around and read. I won't wake up until 2 at least, and then the loft has to come down at some point. Ef. Ef. Ef. I've never felt this lazy before. "Broken Strings" by James Morrison; sums up my life right now. Sad. Pathetic. True. Hope Dana keeps in mind that Karma is a bitch and she'll get hers. Love it.

short and sweet

I think that it's both really funny (funny sad, not funny haha) and really ironic when people can't handle the truth. They're so good at telling people what's wrong with them, but when it comes to dealing with their own shit? They don't seem to see it. The way I see it, I win though. I don't have to deal with Dana anymore.

we were young and dumb

Sometimes all you really need is a trip to the beach with an old friend to really put life in perspective for you. Do what you love and fuck the rest.

funny the way it is

Dave Matthews Band released their new single entitled "Funny the Way It Is" yesterday along with the cover art for their new album "Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King" (due out on June 2nd), and I must say, it's amazing. Head to their site (www.davematthewsband.com) and download it free this week only. Here are the lyrics and cover art, enjoy! (Thanks Lina for both!) Lyin’ in the park On a beautiful day Sun shine on the grass And the children play Siren’s passin’ Fire engine’s red Someone’s house is burning down On a day like this The evening comes and we’re hangin’ out On the front step And a car goes by with the windows rolled down And that war song is playin “why can’t we be friends?” Someone is screamin’ and cryin’ in the apartment upstairs Funny the way it is And if you think about it Somebody’s is goin’ hungry And someone else is eatin’ now Funny the way it is We’re not alone Somebody’s heart is broken And it becomes your favorite song The way your mouth feels in a lover’s kiss Like a pretty bird on the breeze Or water on a fish But a bomb blast brings the building crashin’ to the floor Hear the laughter while the children play war Funny the way it is And if you think a bout it One kid walks 10 miles to school While another one’s droppin’ out Funny the way it is We’re not alone On a soldier’s last breath His baby’s being born Standin’ on the bridge Watch the water passin’ under me It must have been much harder When there was no bridge just water Now the world is small Remember how it used to be With mountain, and oceans, and winter’s, and river’s and stars Watch the sky in a jet plane So far out of my reach Is there someone up there lookin’ down on me? Boy chase a bird So close but everytime He never catch her But he can’t stop trying Funny the way it is And if you think a bout it One kid walks 10 miles to school While another one’s droppin’ out Funny the way it is We’re not alone On a soldier’s last breath His baby’s being born Funny the way it is We’re not alone Somebody’s heart is broken And it becomes your favorite song Funny the way it is And if you think a bout it One kid walks 10 miles to school While another one’s droppin’ out Standin’ on the bridge Watch the water passin’ under me It must have been much harder When there was no bridge just water Now the world is small Remember how it used to be With mountain, and oceans, and winter’s, and river’s and stars

pull on my hand

Music seems to come into my life at different times. It's always important, but sometimes it's more important than others. Pandora has become my new best friend though. I swear it can read my mind sometimes. My top five bands of the moment are probably Tegan & Sara, The Weepies, Loquat, Ray LaMontagne, and The Sounds. They've all got some really amazing songs. It's funny how a good song can get you through some real shit.

subtle but not underground

Some days, I hate her and realize that I'm better off. Some days, I wish that we could just start over.

Taken I am yours I'm up and doing circles I collapse I might stay out longer than I left the light on for you then If you show you show When I feel like this, when I get so into myself I lose track of where I'm going then, lose track of how to get going again Feel myself slowing down Feel myself turning around Is this taken? When I feel like this, when I get so sick of myself Where are you going then, without me And not knowing then, that we're slowing down You've got to turn right around And tell me that I'm taken then Tell me if I'm yours You collapse The pressure of this life is so you can't be held accountable If you go you go When you act like this, when you get so sick of yourself The whole world falls away, and since I feel like I have only missed The feeling that I'm here again The feeling that I'm clear again I'm not taken When you act like this, when you get so into yourself I lose sight of common goals and letting go So I can be all alone Feel myself going slow, feel myself letting go Not taken, not feeling like I'm yours Taken I am yours I'm up and doing circles I collapse This life looks like a sentence, though a constant game of falling short If you know you know When I feel like this, when I'm just so sick of feeling less than perfect Isn't right for me, I never fight to see if coming clean would get to me I feel myself holding back, I feel the pressure, it's finally back, I'm taken When you felt like this, when you saw it all come crashing down Subtle but not underground, I was there I saw the signs I saw unfair and so I wrote to you through other means I let myself finally feel taken Like I was yours "Are You Ten Years Ago" By Tegan & Sara

stop

I need to stop eating out just because I don't want to eat in the MP. I'm getting fat. Note to self: WORK OUT ONCE IN A WHILE! Also: http://youshouldhaveseenthis.com/

let it be me

I love days when everyone just wants to talk music. Lina, Kate, and Chris all introduced me to new and/or free music. Love it. I can't wait to get home and download some bootleg DMB. If music is a drug, then I'm an addict and, much like Amy Winehouse, if you try to make me go to rehab I'll say "No, no, no." That was lame...I'm really not in the mood to write but I'm trying to not fall out of the habit. I finished season 6 of The L Word. Needless to say, I'm slightly depressed about it. But it was a spectacular show. I love it. Top Three L Girls: 1. Shane 2. Alice 3. Dana I hope that they make a movie. A lot went unanswered. The closer I get to leaving NMU, the more depressed I get. I've made so many amazing friends here and, especially in the last few weeks, gotten really close with a few of them. I won't make the same mistake twice. Meeting as many new people as possible and getting to know them is my new life goal. I'm really looking forward to being more active in the college life next year. I'd love to join a few different clubs at least. Lastly, I'm looking forward to getting two new tattoos (my life number on the inside of my right middle finger and a swallow the back of my right arm) with Tina this coming week. I'm really excited. Last tattoos at Impaled in MQT for a while. Life numbers are pretty dead on. I'm a five: Life Number 5 People blessed with Life Path number 5 usually exhibit a highly advanced mindset with a strong desire to turn out this world a better place to live. Freedom is the essential factor that governs this Life Path number. A natural versatile, audacious and progressive in thinking pattern, these people seek to find many answers related to life itself. Dynamism and persistent improvement are other significant positive traits associated with this number. The preference towards freedom and autonomy may embrace the understanding of humanity at the widest extent. Generally, people with this Life Path number exhibit their excellence in communicative style. They can motivate others greatly with their outstanding conversational ability. Individuals with Life Path number 5 may not stick to the routine task and not show their optimum performance if they are forced to do so. Rather they become enthusiastic if they are exposed to exploratory environment without the essence of any sort of conservative dogma. In romantic endeavor, you do not prefer to go with a hard-fixed norm. This does not necessarily imply that individuals born with this Life Path number are not loyal or unfaithful, but their partners need to understand their unique nature. The people having 5 as Life Path number may not be comfortable with relationships based on resentment and rigidity. They need partners who are able to respect their freedom and autonomy. The negative traits of Life Path number 5 may include inadequate direction, confused characters, restlessness, discontentment, impulsivity. People born with this number may turn out to be irresponsible in various tasks including household and professional areas. The strong desire to chase for adventurous aptitude, it may lead the people with this Life Path number to become self-indulgent and unaware of the feelings of other persons.

frozen hands and feet

It's really rather ironic and...funny in a sad sort of way how one day we think we need someone or something and that we couldn't live without it. The next, we can't remember what made us think that way. It's like an addiction: once you break it, you don't see why you ever needed it in the first place.

tell me that you're happy now

Four more weeks until I am done. I don't have to deal with NMU any more after this. Rewind. I love Northern Michigan University. I've met a lot of really amazing people and had some really great times. It was a good experience. But once the excitement of it all wears off, I realized that I don't know what I'm doing here. With Hannah and I no longer being friends...it's honestly like a thick fog lifting off of my brain. I can think clearly. Good times aside, I was here for the wrong reasons. My new plan is as follows: 1. Go home, enjoy the summer, reconnect with people I've neglected: In all my stupidity, I neglected to enjoy the little things. It was stupid and it won't happen again. 2. Attend OCC: Dropping out of school would be stupid. I'll take classes that I will enjoy and save up some money to get the hell out of Michigan. 3. Work: Make the big bucks so I won't have to beg for food in CA. 4. Get out: That's the best part. California awaits. Not as detailed as it could be, but you get the gist of it. Mom's not happy. Didn't expect her to be. But with everything that I've gotten off my chest lately, I'm really grateful that my family has been supportive. I'm not even 100% sure that that's what I'm going to do. It's the greatest feeling in the world when you have no secrets from anyone and all the bad shit doesn't matter anymore. Everything is going right for the first time in a long time. Since I won't be at NMU, I need to buy a laptop. And I can't decide between a Mac and just a nice gaming computer. Can't really afford either. A digital SLR camera, probably a Nikon or Canon, will be in my near future too. I'm pretty excited. Anyways, this "falling out" that I've had with Hannah...shit. Just let me tell you, best thing that's happened to me in a long time. I am truly happy. No regrets though. Don't ever regret something that once made you happy, right? And I honestly hope she's happy. I hope she goes places in life. Mostly, I just hope that one day we can look back and remember the fun we had the past year or so. Honestly, I miss the idea of her more than I actually miss her though. "The people you love will either leave you or die." Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk Pessimistic. The glass is half empty. Yeah. But true, no less. I just see it as honesty. I'll be a better person for it in the end. This summer I'm going to read. A lot. I ordered a ton of shit off Amazon. And, I'm learning about numerology. It's going to be fun. Moral of the story: I'm really looking forward to the next few weeks. Four more and I plan on making them damn good. Then I'm out. And I can't wait. It's a fresh start. EDIT: This was my horoscope today. "Every good thing must come to an end, and you'll be saying goodbye to a pleasant person or experience today. But don't be too sad for too long -- saying goodbye to one thing just gives you the opportunity to say hello to something new! It is a great day to put into action one of those ideas you've kept simmering on the back burner for so long. You can make something happen and embark on a whole new journey. Take advantage of the possibilities that are all around you."