I enjoy going back and reading old posts. Read something a few days old and one of two things will happen:
A. You will be taken right back to the moment in which you wrote it and feel exactly how you felt when writing.
B. You'll be all like "Wtf mate?!"
More often than not, I'm thinkin' the latter of the two. It's pretty funny. Moving on, moving up.

Classes are kicking my ass. Math class blows, writing ENG 201 papers blows, and I really cannot stand having to learn about "communication skills". Fuck that shit. But, 3/5 classes are actually somewhat enjoyable thanks to 3 fantastic professors who actually enjoy what they teach (All of them English professors. Coincidence? I think not.) and care about their students. Working out with Rowe is going really well too. I've gained a lot of muscle in only a week and never felt better.

relentless

rest in piece, mr. salinger

Famed author of great novels such as Catcher in the Rye and Franny & Zooey passed away at the age of 91. Rest in piece, Mr. Salinger. You will be greatly missed.

ignorance is no longer cool

watch this video. enjoy this video. get a boner for some hairy balls.
word son.

i've often tried to hold the sea

All over you.

i really despise numbers

Dear Math,
I hate you. You're more complex than every girl in the universe. Combined.
Piss off.
Yours truly,
Me

untited

i do so

fondly

dream of yo

u

while whispers

of present

trying

creep craw

ling 

carelessly

you'll be fine

Yes. You. You'll be fine. I'll be fine.

We're both gonna move on. 

Karma keeps the universe in order.

We're gonna be fine.

philosophical..?

Every once in a while, a movie comes along that I truly love. Many of them just so happen to be written and/or directed by Darren Aronofsky. Pi and Requiem for a Dream both thoroughly shake me to my core every time I see them, but my latest favorite has been The Fountain. Between Rachel Weisz's phenomenal acting, to the complex yet philosophical story line, it really doesn't get any better than this movie. If you haven't seen it, you need to.

Every time I watch it, I understand some things more than before. Some things less. Some things not at all.

"Our bodies are prisons for our souls. Our skin and blood, the iron bars of confinement. But fear not. All flesh decays. Death turns all to ash. And thus, death frees every soul." - The Fountain

one more promise i couldn't keep

How on earth did I get so jaded?

with new

Basically, this is a list of shit to download for my own personal use. But these are some damn good songs.

not okay

Things that are NOT ok:
1. The fact that I have yet to meet my COM 101 professor, yet I already hate her because she's been a total twat and cost me a ton of money.
2. Missing due dates by mere hours. Now I can't return my fucking math book that I don't need. Wonderful. $90 well spent. Maybe I'll use it to study though.
3. Being forced to take shitty classes that are completely unnecessary.
4. Bad television shows.
5. Too much homework.

This week needs to be over. I need another four day weekend...guess it's a good thing that I get one every weekend. Score!

shotgun, see, you put it in your mouth babe

 Dave Matthews: I've said it before, but I'll say it again. The man is a genius.

happy birthday mr. poe

Happy birthday to Edgar Allen Poe, one of the single most ingenious authors of all time. Hopefully, his poem "Annabel Lee" will be my next tattoo. It's my favorite poem of all time and I cannot wait to wear it proudly. 

"I was a child and she was a child,
In this kindgom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love-
I and my Annabel Lee"

i can hear her say "i love you"

It's not often that I find a country song that I enjoy. Here's one of them.

guido

Jersey Shore is hilarious. In a sad sort of way.

somethin' to think about

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do?
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back?
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
22. Why are you, you?
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
25. What are you most grateful for?
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now?
30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special?
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
32. If not now, then when?
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that?
50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

king's 'n stuff

Happy birthday to The King of Rock 'N Roll, Mr. Elvis Presley. He would have been 75 today. The guy had a rough end, but goddamn did he produce some good tunes.

And, in other music news, The Watson Twins have a new album to be released 2/9/10. I am beyond excited for these two talented  twins (I think I have a thing for twins) new album.

but you talk so loud that it calms me down

today i wish the world were black and white.
what a scene it would be
but to not have to decipher
every color
on your mood ring
would be golden

i wake up exhausted

I woke up, let's go with, about 30 times throughout last night. It was really a series of progressive naps in which I had dreams about reality and what a fuck up I am..or sex, because I woke up with this terrible feeling in my stomach which happens when I do that. I also managed to hit my face around 7 times. Overall, an unsuccessful evening of slumber. I hope tomorrow will be better.

I did talk to Rachael yesterday, which was nice. I hope that she can forgive me on some level someday. I don't know how to fix this, I don't know if I even can (not completely anyways). This is just another instance of my big mouth getting in the way. Until then..whatever then is, I will only continue to try and be good to her and take my drugs like I'm supposed to.

it only fuels the flames

Found some Tegan & Sara B-Sides from Sainthood. "It Was Midnight" is probably my new favorite song. It pertains to my situation at least.

gynocologists aren't scary

I had my first gyno appointment today. Nancy is pretty great, she likes my sarcasm and DMB. She also gave me Prozac. Low-dose, for now. But hopefully it helps with this hopeless feeling.

frickin' sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their frickin' heads

In the year 2010, I vowe:
- to work out, get in shape, and live a healthier lifestyle
- to learn to cook, so I stop using "I don't know how to cook" as an excuse to eat poorly
- get my jealousy/control issues under...well control
- see a doctor about depression/anxiety/bipolar meds
- be happy, above all else

missed by a million miles

Even simple tasks,
like laundry, bring up memories

(good and bad)

of you.

My sweatshirt smells
of the girlfriend smell.
The one I had previously spoken of
when I was too afraid to ask you,
"be mine?".

Hope and false reassurances
find their way in small forms
like a jump drive
I had hoped would be filled with an explanation
via word document
or even a photo.

While my heart threatens to beat its way out
of the bones that struggle to keep it
confined and safe from pain such as this,
I think only of the times
we stayed up late writing pages
and I avoided that look in your eye
at all costs.

This is the chain of thoughts.
The one that forces the condensation to my eyes,
the thing you were most afraid of.

gasoline

Yesterday was the first day that I didn't talk to Rachael since October 7, 2009. It's killing me, I think. Every time I wake up, it's like she breaks my heart all over again. And I have no reason to continue throwing gasoline on the fire between us because it's only driving her away.

"So you tried to put the fire out, but you used gasoline." - Brand New

happy birthday mr. salinger

Today is author J.D. Salinger's 91st birthday. After reading "Catcher in the Rye" (which I despised the first time around, shh!), I knew I wanted to be a writer. Happy birthday Mr. Salinger.

"Don't ever tell anybody anything.  If you do, you start missing everybody."  - J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

"Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all.  Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me.  And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff.  What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them.  That's all I do all day.  I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all.  I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be."  - J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye